10.18.2019

Greensleeves Smoothie


"I can, therefore I am." - Simone Weil

To be honest with everyone, I really didn't think I would come back on here. And, it wasn't just a case of writer's block. Trust me. I have pictures and posts dating back to probably 2014 that haven't seen the light of day, and many still are even on my camera's memory card.

Let's just say, life really hasn't been easy since the last time I posted something.

I still don't think I'm 100% ready to really talk about what's been going on, but I know I have to start somewhere and reclaim my life... and heal.

Healing. It's not easy, is it?

One day you wake up, and you realize you're not "you" anymore. You lost yourself in a relationship, you lost your essence, you're a ghost of who you were at one point in your life. You can also find yourself truly lost, without friends, without anyone really that can really understand what you're going through and how you're feeling. Sure, my parents are there for me, and I appreciate everything they've been trying to do for me, but I still don't feel like I even understand what I'm feeling right now. It's like I'm on a constant emotional roller coaster, with my stomach in my throat.

I've always been so good at compartmentalizing my life and thoughts, keeping my private life and my work life separate, not letting anyone in on what might be going on outside of work, but for the past month, what's going on in my private life is just like a cloud in my mind that's even making it hard to focus at work. I have emotional outbursts, I cry, I run out to the bathroom to just be by myself... But then, there are days where I'm so in my zone at work that I kind of feel normal again, like something is going right in my life, like I'm appreciated, and then 3:30pm hits, I clock out, and it all comes crashing down, and by the time I'm back home, I just want to cuddle with my dog and cat and sit there and hope that the night passes quickly to just go back to work the next day.

Baby steps. 

I know it's going to be a process... Nine years isn't something you can just wake up and move on from. It's, nine years of my 30. It was, stability, success, a sense of personal accomplishment... a home.

But, baby steps.

I know I can write things on here that may or may not be read by anyone, but it'll be a great place for me to vent about what's going on, when I'm ready to really announce what happened.

This will be my public safe space, which I know sounds like it's contradicting itself, but, I hope it still makes sense.

Good thing is, in the meantime, as I heal, and gather myself, and make myself into an improved version of myself, I have tons of recipes and pictures to share. It all kind of worked itself out, as I haven't been cooking much lately. My parents have been my personal delivery/catering service, which has really left me time to muddle through my thoughts and figure out the baby steps that I need to take.

I apologize if this post didn't make any sense, but, please know, that I will be posting more, for better or worse.

I might not have an audience, as I know blogging has become such a mainstream thing lately and there are so many other sites out there that may catch your eye more, or maybe express themselves better, or have professional-quality pictures, and have tons of "in season" posts, but all I can guarantee you is that I'm going to be real, and raw, and a person. Hell, I've never really been one to follow the trends anyway!

I hope everyone understands, and can be supportive.


Greensleeves Smoothie
adapted from: Smoothies! by Stella Murphy

*makes: 1 smoothie*

"Dark and velvety green, this will give you an instant kick."

Ingredients:
2 tsp spirulina
4 oz 100% lactose free 2% milkfat reduced fat milk
4 3/4 oz all natural nonfat Greek strained yogurt
1 banana, peeled and chopped
1 tbsp clover honey

Directions:
1) Put all of the ingredients in the blender and blend until smooth.
2) Pour into a glass and serve chilled.


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